Not sure on what to write about, just know its been while since I last did so thought I should throw something out for your amusement. So here are some reviews of some old things, nothing new here except my first review.
The Weather
Its alright, what can I say. Its a bit cold but not cold enough to be entertaining. Everyone gets so panicked about the idea of heavy snowfall that we plan our lives around the idea that it might. I suppose that's a good idea, you know plan for the worst. But we should be in a position as a country that heavy snowfall shouldn't disrupt us at all. Russia survives every winter, so why should we stop dead every time a little snow falls? The problem is we the people, as it always should be. We elect, we vote and then we don't complain enough. When the roads become unusable we see it as a day off work not as a loss is wages. We are stupid. So my review of the weather is, its not an issue unless we have elected idiots.
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The world
I can honestly say I have fallen in love with this film. For some reason it talks to me, i get it and for an unknown reason I really relate to the main character. Its funny and at most times very odd film involving bizarre action sequences, interesting people and a witty script. Its amazing so please check it out.
Call of Duty: Black Ops
If your a girl please feel free to skip to the next review. I know COD has been out for a while now and your wondering why I haven't written about it before. Well the reason being is when the last Call Of Duty game came out I reviewed it to early, I raved about it, claiming it to be a marvel. But I was wrong that game had so many flaws it became un playable very quickly. It rewarded people who hid and coward or camped if you know anything about gaming talk. The new COD is a vast improvement and I can happily say its the best COD game since the first modern warfare. The maps are incredibly well designed and the perks, kill streaks and gamercard compliment the game and don't dominate it. This is even more surprising since this is a Treyarch game and not an Infinity Ward game. This is important as Infinity Ward usually make the better games leaving Treyarch to produce the lesser sequels, this has been reversed.
The Cinema
Really I should be reviewing Harry Potter and The Deathly Hollows. But I'm going to assume you've all seen that film by now. If you haven't its a good film, it drags quite a bit and it really looks like all the best bits will be in the second part. Now my issue with the cinema started with an introduction from Simon Pegg at the beginning of the film. He was just on screen promoting his new film and talking about how great his new film will be and why its important to watch it in the cinema. The problem is the cinema is shit. Yay the cinema screen is so big and loud whoo hoo. That cant really be enough though can it? The seats aren't incredibly comfortable especially after 90 minuets. Plus even if you book isle seats you really cant choose who you'll be sitting next to and this was my biggest issue the twats I had to sit next to where joking and giggling the whole way through, the food is a rip off and if anyone needs the toilet during the show everyone has to stand up to let them pass. Yeah at Odeon they have the executive seats for a few quid more but here is my idea. Make the executive seats the standard, have them everywhere, have plenty of leg room and maybe the ability to lean back a bit, if you choose to that is. But the important thing is to lower the price on all parts from the food to the tickets. You'll get more sales if you do it, honestly you will Mr Odeon.
Jon Budworth
What can I say except sorry, I know I'm not great or even close to being acceptable. Sure I can blame some of this on my upbringing but thats not really fair i was a bad kid. I try and hide behind my morale code and don't claim to be homophobic or racist. I donate to charity when I have spare cash in my life. But I'm not a good person in general. I have stolen in the past (not in the last 10 years or at least nothing I can really think of at this time). I have an amazing ability to be incredibly hurt full to people I care about using things they have told me in confidence to hurt them. I'm stubborn, more so then most would give me credit for as I can easily walk away from people and never go back to them even if the issue that lead to separation was mostly my fault. I judge people to harshly on some decisions that leave them happy especially if that feeling of happiness reflects my own misery. I live my life in dream state never really trying to achieve or grow for the most part I just exist wishing that one day I'll win the lottery or inherit millions from a distant relative. But I guess my biggest flaw is my self perception, I see myself as inconvenience to my friends and family I understand that people love me but I don't believe that they should. I'm not great but on the flip side I'm a fantastic lover and I can fart the theme from Jaws.
Monday 29 November 2010
Saturday 6 November 2010
I'm so pretty, O so pretty and witty and straight
I know that being gay is not a choice I know this because if it was I would so be a massive homo. I would be cock crazy, dancing at all the clubs and putting out like a slut every night. But sadly I was born straight. I'm not even an interesting straight guy you know one of those is he isn't he types. The reason I would choose to be gay is because I honestly believe I would get laid lots, the reason being that there is a class of gay guys called bears. Bears are usually big, hairy overweight guys who seem to have this following of pretty boys which are some times called cubs. It sounds like a sweet deal as I don't have to change at all and I still get to pull someone out of my league. They only way to achieve that being straight is to be rich, even then I would know that it was down to cash.
On the subject of being rich I did recently win some money on the Euro millions. I didn't kid myself when I received the e-mail letting me know I had won some money I wished for thousands, hoped for hundreds but expected tens. What I won was £5.50 I was a little disappointed. But that's whats great about the lottery no matter the result your always a little disappointed. You may think hey what about those people that win those massive jack Potts well I'm sure they get big headaches trying to think of things to buy, see nobody wins.
So on the subject of losing I'm happily waiting for COD: Black Ops and being uber geek I have booked the week off, yes I'm terrible. But I don't have a lot in life so this is as good as it gets and who could ask for more? Well most people probably but I'm not most people. I'm a straight bear.
On the subject of being rich I did recently win some money on the Euro millions. I didn't kid myself when I received the e-mail letting me know I had won some money I wished for thousands, hoped for hundreds but expected tens. What I won was £5.50 I was a little disappointed. But that's whats great about the lottery no matter the result your always a little disappointed. You may think hey what about those people that win those massive jack Potts well I'm sure they get big headaches trying to think of things to buy, see nobody wins.
So on the subject of losing I'm happily waiting for COD: Black Ops and being uber geek I have booked the week off, yes I'm terrible. But I don't have a lot in life so this is as good as it gets and who could ask for more? Well most people probably but I'm not most people. I'm a straight bear.
Wednesday 20 October 2010
i really should be writing about all the fun things I've been doing, all the fun times I've had and all the friends I've been seeing. Instead I'm going to complain. I'll break it in to my two biggest gripes of the moment firstly, hopefully something we can all bitch about 3D movies then secondly something for the geek kind like myself and that's exclusive content for computer games given to different retailers.
Fuck you 3D, I watched a terrible 3D film recently made even worse by watching it in 2D on a boring old standard TV. The film was the most recent Resident Evil movie I think it was called afterlife. Anyway a terrible movie that has slipped so far from the original source material it could hardly be considered to have anything in common except the zombies. The movie ran for about 90 minuets but I swear if they ran all the slow mo sequences at normal speed the film would be 15 minuets long and that includes 5 minuets of credits. My real issue was every 30 seconds a shot would come along that was so blatantly meant to be viewed in 3D it just looked out of place on a standard screen. I don't own a 3D TV and to be honest I'm really hoping this whole new found love of the 3D movie experience dies out so that I don't find myself being forced in to getting one when its time to update my old viewing box. For people that love these 3D movies please keep in mind a shit film is a shit film even if it does have bits jumping out the screen at you, the only difference is you have paid slightly more to see and you have some crap shades.
My second angry point. At what time did computer game makers decide that where i purchased there game from would alter the content I received. This has been steadily getting worse, it use to be a case that if you pre-ordered a game they would give you something as a thank you, that seems fair enough. Now though you have to look around each of the stores to find out which retailer with give you the best items for ordering it with them. I'm getting more worried that this will evolve in to game content changing depending on where you get the game from. I'm worried that the last level will be only available to people who brought there copy from HMV. I have paid for this game I want the same content as the guy who brought his copy up the road in a different shop.
Sorry to have been so pointlessly aggressive about these very dull subjects and I hope if you do read them you'll agree with my issues or post a comment showing me where I'm wrong. Also sorry that I haven't written in a while I'll try and post a little more regularly in future. Anyway love you all xoxox.
Fuck you 3D, I watched a terrible 3D film recently made even worse by watching it in 2D on a boring old standard TV. The film was the most recent Resident Evil movie I think it was called afterlife. Anyway a terrible movie that has slipped so far from the original source material it could hardly be considered to have anything in common except the zombies. The movie ran for about 90 minuets but I swear if they ran all the slow mo sequences at normal speed the film would be 15 minuets long and that includes 5 minuets of credits. My real issue was every 30 seconds a shot would come along that was so blatantly meant to be viewed in 3D it just looked out of place on a standard screen. I don't own a 3D TV and to be honest I'm really hoping this whole new found love of the 3D movie experience dies out so that I don't find myself being forced in to getting one when its time to update my old viewing box. For people that love these 3D movies please keep in mind a shit film is a shit film even if it does have bits jumping out the screen at you, the only difference is you have paid slightly more to see and you have some crap shades.
My second angry point. At what time did computer game makers decide that where i purchased there game from would alter the content I received. This has been steadily getting worse, it use to be a case that if you pre-ordered a game they would give you something as a thank you, that seems fair enough. Now though you have to look around each of the stores to find out which retailer with give you the best items for ordering it with them. I'm getting more worried that this will evolve in to game content changing depending on where you get the game from. I'm worried that the last level will be only available to people who brought there copy from HMV. I have paid for this game I want the same content as the guy who brought his copy up the road in a different shop.
Sorry to have been so pointlessly aggressive about these very dull subjects and I hope if you do read them you'll agree with my issues or post a comment showing me where I'm wrong. Also sorry that I haven't written in a while I'll try and post a little more regularly in future. Anyway love you all xoxox.
Sunday 19 September 2010
How To Live Forever - A J H Budworth Guide
Firstly just to let you all know the secret of life is to exist, very simple I know. Don't you feel a little stupid having not figured it out before? The real problem is we cant go on forever, we have time limits but there are ways around this and here is my guide for you to achieve immortality. Just as a little disclaimer nothing last forever although these tips will increase your mortality sooner or later everything will end.
- HAVE CHILDREN
This is the easiest way to continue on this earth, the plan is simple your genetic code stays alive so apart of you stays alive with it. Sure you will die but all we are is code and that code can in theory continue forever. Plus you have the added advantage of being loved and remembered that way.
2. BE FAMOUS
This is a great way to become immortal. There are some down sides as if you don't pursue fame with enough intensity or you don't create or achieve something of sufficient greatness you can easily become a C-List celebrity. Then your immortality will only last as long as they show the best of Big Brother. But if you do succeed and create something amazing you could very well become the next Hitchcock or Spielberg maybe even the next Budworth.
3. BE INFAMOUS
Possibly the most fun way if not a little evil way to become immortal. Sadly to be truly remembered you have to do some really bad shit. Sure you think you could go around killing a bunch of prostitutes but that wont keep you remembered for long. No you have to be really evil you have to kill 6 million Jews or wright really terrible books like The Da Vinci Code, if you really wanted be truly outrageous you could invent organised religion.
4. BE THE HIGHLANDER
Real difficult to achieve as you kind of have to be born this way and there is a long boring back story as to how you came to be, probably best to stick with the first three suggestions.
Well I hope these tips have helped and don't worry to much as life expectancy always seems to be on the rise anyway so I'm sure soon some company will come up with a cream that takes ten years off every time you use it and we can all go on forever.
Tuesday 14 September 2010
Which wine goes best with Jaffa Cakes?
Sitting on the bus on the way home from work the slightly odd lady in front of me started eating a pie. A whole pie, i think it was lemon meringue it smelt like it was so I must assume. Like I said the woman was odd, she gets on most days and really does have that odd woman vibe about her but for a man with glasses, facial hair and going bald I do have that pedophile look so I guess my point is nobody's perfect. So there she was happily eating her pie and there i was judging her harshly for it. But then again what is an acceptable food to eat on the bus? I have to admit I have eaten sandwiches, burgers and some ice cream ( in a cone) on the bus before and I never believed any one on the bus was judging me. So I will assume that these are all social acceptable foods, I imagine it would have been different if I had all three at the same time in the style of a sit down meal. So is it down to the quantity of food you eat? Or maybe the style in which you eat it? I would class all the foods I have eaten as hand to mouth food, I would not class a whole pie to be in this category. I suppose if the woman had mini sized pie I wouldn't have been so judgemental I might have even accepted one if offered.
I offended a woman greatly last week although I still doubt I said it. Apparently I called her sir. Just a bit of back story, I had been out the night before with friends I had got extremely drunk and eaten some amazing Chinese food (thank you Oriental express). The food sobered me up but I was still very sleep deprived when I went in to work the next day. I got through the day mostly on coffee until a friend at work gave me a can of monster. Anyway during the day I found myself on tills and although being moody and tired I stayed polite to all the customers. All was going well until the woman appeared. I wont lie she was strange looking ( I would describe has being a female version of Beaker from the Muppet's) but there was no denying she was a woman. I served her as normal and when it came to asking if there was anything else I could do to help she replied yes, please don't refer to me as sir as I am a woman. My quick fired response was I know. I have accidentally called woman sir before and it usually wasn't an issue they would laugh I would apologize and issue resolved. This woman was different, she looked at me with pure hate, even though I did genuinely apologized and express how sorry I was. Maybe she has her own back story in which this was the fourth time today it had happened in which case she should probably do something with her hair.
Anyway I'll be writing another blog soon as things of interest will be happening over the next few days, so sorry about how short this one has been.
I offended a woman greatly last week although I still doubt I said it. Apparently I called her sir. Just a bit of back story, I had been out the night before with friends I had got extremely drunk and eaten some amazing Chinese food (thank you Oriental express). The food sobered me up but I was still very sleep deprived when I went in to work the next day. I got through the day mostly on coffee until a friend at work gave me a can of monster. Anyway during the day I found myself on tills and although being moody and tired I stayed polite to all the customers. All was going well until the woman appeared. I wont lie she was strange looking ( I would describe has being a female version of Beaker from the Muppet's) but there was no denying she was a woman. I served her as normal and when it came to asking if there was anything else I could do to help she replied yes, please don't refer to me as sir as I am a woman. My quick fired response was I know. I have accidentally called woman sir before and it usually wasn't an issue they would laugh I would apologize and issue resolved. This woman was different, she looked at me with pure hate, even though I did genuinely apologized and express how sorry I was. Maybe she has her own back story in which this was the fourth time today it had happened in which case she should probably do something with her hair.
Anyway I'll be writing another blog soon as things of interest will be happening over the next few days, so sorry about how short this one has been.
Saturday 21 August 2010
Tonbridge - The town where music died
I know I just wrote my last blog but I felt so enraged after a recent shopping trip that I felt I had to write another. My sister turned 26 recently and asked for a CD as a present. Fine I say as I think it wont be an issue, it was an issue. I had work on the day I planned on getting her gift so I was in a rush and as I got in to Tonbridge it dawned on me, do they even sell music in this town any more? Tonbridge does have a place you can buy music its at Sainsburys. Luckily the music my sister wanted was in the top 10 and that's just about all the albums Sainsburys stock. So why so up in arms?
I know most people choose to buy music online, either downloading or buying music for delivery. But its very seldom that anything online takes you by surprise. I can't speak for everyone but 90% of the time I go online for specific music. Yeah the other 10% I'm either checking the sales or seeing whats coming out soon. That's what I miss about music shops, the surprise of finding something you always wanted but never brought, or that great album you owned then lent to someone and never got back. Plus there is something nice to owning a CD or an album on vinyl. Its in your hands someone designed the cover art, real work went in to making this product and it can be an item to cherish. Yeah you can still own it through download but for the most part its just data floating about its almost soulless. Plus with the new ability to buy individual tracks some people don't buy whole albums they just buy the stuff they heard in the charts, sure some bands and artists may only release one good song. But you still run the risk of not finding that hidden gem, that song that isn't released as a single but still sounds amazing, maybe nobody else but you even likes it but that's not the point.
Maybe there is no real money in owning a music shop anymore, but I don't buy it. I imagine like most things in life there is money in it just not lots of profit and who sees the point in breaking even any more. I wish there was something I could say to big businesses to say what the fuck is wrong with you, how much money is enough money? But they wouldn't listen, you might listen. You might be sitting in front of your computer right now clicking on itunes, choosing that one song you want to download and that's fine if you live in tonbridge as you will have to travel to find a shop to buy an album. But if you don't and if you live somewhere else just stop and think, think about how miserable your town or city may become if you had no shops to buy music in. So stop your downloading, save your penny's and go out shopping, better yet try supporting that small independent music shop. I know they charge a little more but on the plus side it isn't owned by a heartless corporation.
Of subject quickly can I just added how pointless those spots Vs stripes Cadburys ads are. If you find yourself cheering one for those teams of water based creatures, feel free to stop and ask yourself what your doing.
I know most people choose to buy music online, either downloading or buying music for delivery. But its very seldom that anything online takes you by surprise. I can't speak for everyone but 90% of the time I go online for specific music. Yeah the other 10% I'm either checking the sales or seeing whats coming out soon. That's what I miss about music shops, the surprise of finding something you always wanted but never brought, or that great album you owned then lent to someone and never got back. Plus there is something nice to owning a CD or an album on vinyl. Its in your hands someone designed the cover art, real work went in to making this product and it can be an item to cherish. Yeah you can still own it through download but for the most part its just data floating about its almost soulless. Plus with the new ability to buy individual tracks some people don't buy whole albums they just buy the stuff they heard in the charts, sure some bands and artists may only release one good song. But you still run the risk of not finding that hidden gem, that song that isn't released as a single but still sounds amazing, maybe nobody else but you even likes it but that's not the point.
Maybe there is no real money in owning a music shop anymore, but I don't buy it. I imagine like most things in life there is money in it just not lots of profit and who sees the point in breaking even any more. I wish there was something I could say to big businesses to say what the fuck is wrong with you, how much money is enough money? But they wouldn't listen, you might listen. You might be sitting in front of your computer right now clicking on itunes, choosing that one song you want to download and that's fine if you live in tonbridge as you will have to travel to find a shop to buy an album. But if you don't and if you live somewhere else just stop and think, think about how miserable your town or city may become if you had no shops to buy music in. So stop your downloading, save your penny's and go out shopping, better yet try supporting that small independent music shop. I know they charge a little more but on the plus side it isn't owned by a heartless corporation.
Of subject quickly can I just added how pointless those spots Vs stripes Cadburys ads are. If you find yourself cheering one for those teams of water based creatures, feel free to stop and ask yourself what your doing.
Thursday 19 August 2010
Lets get back to basics
I kinda feel I have been writing this blog for other people and while doing that I've completely missed the point of writing a blog. This should be an expression of self. It should be a format for me to express my views and to try and journal certain parts of my life. Maybe in a billion years all that will be left of the human race will be my blog and I have to say jesus why in mid 2010 did we decide to give ants the vote? They changed everything and that's why all the humans are dead.
So here's whats been going on. I recently embarrassed myself with a conversation I had with a friend letting her know it wouldn't be bad kissing her and that I would probably enjoy it. Yeah it sounds harmless but that's because I'm choosing to leave out all the awkward Jon moments. i also recently tried to do the right thing with an issue between some work colleagues. This also blew up in my face and seems to have made me a bit of a cunt. On the plus side we finally have a shower in the Budworth house, after 20 odd years of leaving here we finally have one. This is of course incredibly ironic as I have a nagging feeling we are going to get kicked out of our home but more on that later.
So time for some good news. I have a new niece and like the old niece she is bundle of pure joy and unconditional love. Granted she looks all squishy faced but she is a couple of weeks old and I'm sure she will grow in to herself. For those that haven't seen any pictures she is small, pink and has a lot of black hair on her head. For me sadly describing a baby is like trying to describe an amazing abstract painting. Its beautiful and amazing but no words ever come out right so its probably best to see it for yourself.
So losing our home, most readers have never met my parents. My dad is registered disabled but before that happened he always worked hard either at work or in his studies. My mum has always worked hard but due to poor health has had to take lots of sick leave from most of her jobs. Like at the moment she is off work and its not looking like she will be going back. Now for those who read closely I stated that my parents have always worked hard. I never stated that they ever worked smart. Truth be told that if either of them choose a career at say Sainsburys or Tescos are family would probably be in a safe and secure place but that didn't happen. My family has never been rich even in the slightest we have always just about scraped by constantly borrowing money and trying to get through to the next month. But this time just feels more troublesome I might be blowing things out of proportion but we will see. I don't blame my parents for the way they choose to live there lives, I will say as a warning to all those out there that you should never have a family unless you can afford it and even then its better to spoil one child then it is to just get by with three.
So just to lighten things up I want to share a thought I recently had about the movie The Dark Knight. If you have never seem the film I'm sorry, I strongly suggest going out and watching it now. OK so you have seen the film and you have done your best at ignoring Christien Bales really terrible voice while he plays the Bat. Now near the end Joker has two boats hooked up to blow and the passengers have to choose which boat goes. The Bat insists that neither boat will blow as the people wont do it. This of course happens, nobody presses the button, yay people of Gotham. So Batman has apparently installed goodness and inspired all the people of this city. So why the fuck did he take the blame for the Harvey Dents killings? Lets be fair Batman inspired the people more then Harvey did, Batman was showing the people what good could be done and that any citizen can do a part to make the city a better place. Now he took the blame for the killings he has taken that view away. Maybe Joker knew something like this might happen and that's why he let Harvey out of the hospital. Who knows, what I like about that movie is two years after its release I keep coming back and thinking about all the messages within this film.
So here's whats been going on. I recently embarrassed myself with a conversation I had with a friend letting her know it wouldn't be bad kissing her and that I would probably enjoy it. Yeah it sounds harmless but that's because I'm choosing to leave out all the awkward Jon moments. i also recently tried to do the right thing with an issue between some work colleagues. This also blew up in my face and seems to have made me a bit of a cunt. On the plus side we finally have a shower in the Budworth house, after 20 odd years of leaving here we finally have one. This is of course incredibly ironic as I have a nagging feeling we are going to get kicked out of our home but more on that later.
So time for some good news. I have a new niece and like the old niece she is bundle of pure joy and unconditional love. Granted she looks all squishy faced but she is a couple of weeks old and I'm sure she will grow in to herself. For those that haven't seen any pictures she is small, pink and has a lot of black hair on her head. For me sadly describing a baby is like trying to describe an amazing abstract painting. Its beautiful and amazing but no words ever come out right so its probably best to see it for yourself.
So losing our home, most readers have never met my parents. My dad is registered disabled but before that happened he always worked hard either at work or in his studies. My mum has always worked hard but due to poor health has had to take lots of sick leave from most of her jobs. Like at the moment she is off work and its not looking like she will be going back. Now for those who read closely I stated that my parents have always worked hard. I never stated that they ever worked smart. Truth be told that if either of them choose a career at say Sainsburys or Tescos are family would probably be in a safe and secure place but that didn't happen. My family has never been rich even in the slightest we have always just about scraped by constantly borrowing money and trying to get through to the next month. But this time just feels more troublesome I might be blowing things out of proportion but we will see. I don't blame my parents for the way they choose to live there lives, I will say as a warning to all those out there that you should never have a family unless you can afford it and even then its better to spoil one child then it is to just get by with three.
So just to lighten things up I want to share a thought I recently had about the movie The Dark Knight. If you have never seem the film I'm sorry, I strongly suggest going out and watching it now. OK so you have seen the film and you have done your best at ignoring Christien Bales really terrible voice while he plays the Bat. Now near the end Joker has two boats hooked up to blow and the passengers have to choose which boat goes. The Bat insists that neither boat will blow as the people wont do it. This of course happens, nobody presses the button, yay people of Gotham. So Batman has apparently installed goodness and inspired all the people of this city. So why the fuck did he take the blame for the Harvey Dents killings? Lets be fair Batman inspired the people more then Harvey did, Batman was showing the people what good could be done and that any citizen can do a part to make the city a better place. Now he took the blame for the killings he has taken that view away. Maybe Joker knew something like this might happen and that's why he let Harvey out of the hospital. Who knows, what I like about that movie is two years after its release I keep coming back and thinking about all the messages within this film.
Tuesday 10 August 2010
Well every one else jumped of the cliff so i decided to aswell
I am of course referring to writing a blog. Everyone else seems to have recently so its probably time I wrote one. The sad truth is everyone else have written great blogs and I pity you for having to read through this one. Mostly I'm a little tired work is great but on some days it can really drain me and today started off with me getting soaked then working my 8 hours. So apart from work what have i been doing.
I have helped push back an alien invasion in a game on my new P.C. in fairness I was playing on easy and cant take to much credit. I'm still helping Mario rescue the princess in super Mario galaxy and I've done nothing else of note. Wow that's a depressing realization. The most exciting things I've done have been achieved through video game. But then again I have more say over a video game then I do over the ending of a book.
So I've achieved nothing except for losing some weight, and I mean a little weight. Just enough weight to be fucking irritating. I'm sure most people can relate to losing that tiny amount that makes your trousers not fit properly. I find myself constantly having to pull them up. As its such a small amount of loss I cant justify buying more clothes as knowing me I'll soon put it back on. I should probably put a new hole in my belt but I love my batman belt so much I don't know if I can justify it. I'll see what happens when I finally have some money in my bank.
I don't know if I mentioned my new phone, i think I did so I wont go on about it I will say that I have finally been able to put my Flight of the Conchords CD on to it and I'm loving it, If you have never heard of them they class themselves as the 4th best folk parody band from New Zealand. I'll happilyu brighten up your days by putting a link to YouTube video for you all to enjoy. For some cunting reason it wont let me put in the link so I'll put the link on my facebook page and tell you how to find it. Go to YouTube search for Flight of the Conchords - Hiphopopotamus Vs. Rhymenoceros then laugh your ass off. Again sorry this is so dull I'll write something of actual value next time.
I have helped push back an alien invasion in a game on my new P.C. in fairness I was playing on easy and cant take to much credit. I'm still helping Mario rescue the princess in super Mario galaxy and I've done nothing else of note. Wow that's a depressing realization. The most exciting things I've done have been achieved through video game. But then again I have more say over a video game then I do over the ending of a book.
So I've achieved nothing except for losing some weight, and I mean a little weight. Just enough weight to be fucking irritating. I'm sure most people can relate to losing that tiny amount that makes your trousers not fit properly. I find myself constantly having to pull them up. As its such a small amount of loss I cant justify buying more clothes as knowing me I'll soon put it back on. I should probably put a new hole in my belt but I love my batman belt so much I don't know if I can justify it. I'll see what happens when I finally have some money in my bank.
I don't know if I mentioned my new phone, i think I did so I wont go on about it I will say that I have finally been able to put my Flight of the Conchords CD on to it and I'm loving it, If you have never heard of them they class themselves as the 4th best folk parody band from New Zealand. I'll happilyu brighten up your days by putting a link to YouTube video for you all to enjoy. For some cunting reason it wont let me put in the link so I'll put the link on my facebook page and tell you how to find it. Go to YouTube search for Flight of the Conchords - Hiphopopotamus Vs. Rhymenoceros then laugh your ass off. Again sorry this is so dull I'll write something of actual value next time.
Monday 26 July 2010
HEY I am a good listener, so shut your mouth!
For fuck sake, its finally happened. I have become full geek, before I was 78% but now its become the full 100%. I didn't plan for it to happen all I wanted was a new phone and i've found one. The Sony Ericsson Xperia X10 Mini which is great except I brought it on contract from phones 4 u and they decided in all their wisdom to give me a Wii. So before when I owned a PS3, an Xbox 360 and a high end PC luckily I was only 78% geek now I own the set and have to give up on ever having a sex life again. I suppose though its a price worth paying for quality entertainment.
So I have a new job, its at Staples and its pretty cool. For the most part the staff are all right apart from mostly seeming a little racist. Only a little racist and to be honest not much more racist then most of people I know. Don't worry I don't blame you I blame your up bringing. So work is all good but I hang on to that feeling like I've had with all work colleagues past and present and that is they don't like me. For the most part its justified I am mean, usually tired , cranky a bit smelly and my humour is not for everyone. So justified. But the real shame is they are my best features.
So what else? I have seen a few good films recently firstly Predators. I liked it, then again I liked the original. I really liked the bit in the movie when that guy died and blood went everywhere then they all had to run away. If that sounds like your kind of film go see it now. I've also seen Inception. It was a pretty cool film, filled to the brim with original ideas and some great acting. Plus it will stay with and not just the amazing ending that will stay with you for a long time and will happily divide the audience for years. Finally I've seen Toy Story 3, lets be honest you know where you stand with pixar its always going to be well made and Toy Story 3 was no different. So that's what I've been up, what have you been up to?
So I have a new job, its at Staples and its pretty cool. For the most part the staff are all right apart from mostly seeming a little racist. Only a little racist and to be honest not much more racist then most of people I know. Don't worry I don't blame you I blame your up bringing. So work is all good but I hang on to that feeling like I've had with all work colleagues past and present and that is they don't like me. For the most part its justified I am mean, usually tired , cranky a bit smelly and my humour is not for everyone. So justified. But the real shame is they are my best features.
So what else? I have seen a few good films recently firstly Predators. I liked it, then again I liked the original. I really liked the bit in the movie when that guy died and blood went everywhere then they all had to run away. If that sounds like your kind of film go see it now. I've also seen Inception. It was a pretty cool film, filled to the brim with original ideas and some great acting. Plus it will stay with and not just the amazing ending that will stay with you for a long time and will happily divide the audience for years. Finally I've seen Toy Story 3, lets be honest you know where you stand with pixar its always going to be well made and Toy Story 3 was no different. So that's what I've been up, what have you been up to?
Wednesday 14 July 2010
I dont think Mario would make a good dad.
I'm not talking about the terrible singer, I am of course referring to the adventurer extraordinaire Mario. I'm not saying he wouldn't make a cool dad I just don't think he would be a good dad. Think about it for the most part he would always be of doing stuff. Saving Princess peach and beating up weird turtle people. I have to work on the assumption that Princess Peach is not your mum as I get the impression that she does not view Mario as anything more then a friend. Maybe he left it to long to ask her out or maybe despite the fact that he saves her on a yearly basis she still thinks she can do better. So Mario settles for your mum and that's OK your mums great, she is no princess Peach but you love her anyway everything is going swell until Mario's private phone rings and the princess has been kidnapped again. He drops everything and runs of to help. Its not even the case that what he is doing is safe, I mean he really puts his life on the line. In my opinion he is a bit selfish.
I realized after writing that last section that if you changed Mario for soldier you get a whole different, much more politically charged comment on life. That was not my point when I started this, it honestly started as comical point. I suppose you could change Princess Peach to either armed forces or country and weird turtle creature to what ever people we are fighting this day. I suppose that both with Mario and the Army somethings just need to be done.Sometimes for the good of a mushroom kingdom sometimes for the good of a lying politician.
One last thing before I go .After watching a small part of Jeremy Kyle today I have to ask why are some of the people that contact the show asking for help so brave? There was a woman on the show today starving herself to death. She called Jeremy Kyle to be told she would die if she didn't get this under control. The audience clapped, nobody slapped her. I'm sorry but if you are killing yourself don't ask what would Jeremy suggest, go and see a fucking doctor.
I realized after writing that last section that if you changed Mario for soldier you get a whole different, much more politically charged comment on life. That was not my point when I started this, it honestly started as comical point. I suppose you could change Princess Peach to either armed forces or country and weird turtle creature to what ever people we are fighting this day. I suppose that both with Mario and the Army somethings just need to be done.Sometimes for the good of a mushroom kingdom sometimes for the good of a lying politician.
One last thing before I go .After watching a small part of Jeremy Kyle today I have to ask why are some of the people that contact the show asking for help so brave? There was a woman on the show today starving herself to death. She called Jeremy Kyle to be told she would die if she didn't get this under control. The audience clapped, nobody slapped her. I'm sorry but if you are killing yourself don't ask what would Jeremy suggest, go and see a fucking doctor.
Sunday 4 July 2010
Patriotism a true indication of stupidity
I lost my train of thought or maybe i just lost interest. My original plan was to write a bit about my views on patriotism as the title suggest, so I started doing research. I wanted to find interesting quotes and facts to back up my views but I had some issues finding anything negative to say so I gave up. I'll give you my basic view on the subject, patriotism is for fucking retards.
My real issue is you have nothing to be proud of, none of you. I don't care which country your from. Your countries achievements are pointless. On top of that the way you cling on to past achievement's is pathetic. Yes we won world war 2. But how long will you claim that achievement to be yours? I suppose my real issues is the longer we hang on to our out dated view on patriotism the harder it will be to move forward as a planet.
With all the planets resources and ingenuity we should have achieved more. We should be exploring our solar system and setting up colonies and be preparing to go further. Maybe these views have been brought on by my recent Star Trek movie marathon and with that in mind its lucky I didn't have a Saw movie marathon or this blog would be very different. Some people are worried that by giving up on patriotism we will lose some of are culture and that's a fine argument if you Asian and you heritage is rich. What would England lose our famous Morris dancers?
I know there is more to England then that, but not a lot more. We are a country of white immigrants just like America. Are language is made up mostly but words that originated in other countries slightly changed over the years. There is nobody in this land pure British we all have some Roman, French or Viking in us so what are you hanging on to?
Are real issue with immigration seems to be the fear of losing something, but if everything was free to everyone would you care if someone else had it as well? If you could choose where to live on this planet, and everyone spoke a common language, we all had the same rights and everyone was wealthy enough to be happy with there lives are you saying you would honestly stay in the U.K. ? Yeah you would miss your family but who knows, if we all chipped in maybe we could invent warp speed or instant transporters then we would be out of excuses.
My real issue is you have nothing to be proud of, none of you. I don't care which country your from. Your countries achievements are pointless. On top of that the way you cling on to past achievement's is pathetic. Yes we won world war 2. But how long will you claim that achievement to be yours? I suppose my real issues is the longer we hang on to our out dated view on patriotism the harder it will be to move forward as a planet.
With all the planets resources and ingenuity we should have achieved more. We should be exploring our solar system and setting up colonies and be preparing to go further. Maybe these views have been brought on by my recent Star Trek movie marathon and with that in mind its lucky I didn't have a Saw movie marathon or this blog would be very different. Some people are worried that by giving up on patriotism we will lose some of are culture and that's a fine argument if you Asian and you heritage is rich. What would England lose our famous Morris dancers?
I know there is more to England then that, but not a lot more. We are a country of white immigrants just like America. Are language is made up mostly but words that originated in other countries slightly changed over the years. There is nobody in this land pure British we all have some Roman, French or Viking in us so what are you hanging on to?
Are real issue with immigration seems to be the fear of losing something, but if everything was free to everyone would you care if someone else had it as well? If you could choose where to live on this planet, and everyone spoke a common language, we all had the same rights and everyone was wealthy enough to be happy with there lives are you saying you would honestly stay in the U.K. ? Yeah you would miss your family but who knows, if we all chipped in maybe we could invent warp speed or instant transporters then we would be out of excuses.
Friday 25 June 2010
James Cooke- The Life Story Part 1
Not So Long Ago But In A Galaxy Far Far Away. ...............................................................................
................................James Cooke IS BORN !!!!!!!!!
On a small moon called Endor a ceremony 5000 years old is about to be performed, by the local teddy bear tribe known as the Ewoks. The tallest male and female within the tribe will mate and then wait 9 months.
9 months later a baby Ewok is born, instantly it is shaved and covered in a special cream (usually found in Boots) to stop to much of the hair ever growing back again . With the new child looking vaguely human it is sent across the galaxy to find a new home. This particular infant found its way to earth just over 21 years ago. At this very moment mummy Cooke was giving birth to her first baby boy. As soon as the child was born it was magically replaced by the Ewok infant, and the James Cooke that could have been was taken back to Endor to be raised as a God.
The Ewok child would never know of his true heritage and his new adopted family would never know he was not there son. He was to be raised as one of them and he would take on the title of James Cooke. The beginning of his story is most amazing but it is insignificant compared to the rest of his life and the adventures he would encounter.
James was implanted with a thirst for learning self defence and skills that would be useful if his new world in case the planet was hostel but luckily being part Ewok and looking cute was the best defence he would ever need. As James grew he considered mastering many styles of combat but it wasn't until he first laid eyes on the profesional world of wrestling that he knew what he wanted to train in. It's not sure what attracted James to this combat style it might have been the skin tight Lycra costumes or the heavily gay undertones but either way he was hooked.
Night and day the young Ewok boy practised, usually fighting as many as 7 pillows at a time but his skills kept growing until it was time to find a costume and a name that best suited him. Having always felt different and a little more wild in nature then those around him there was only one wrestling name he could have chosen 'The Cookie Monster' he would dress all in blue and put blue fur over hi face to disguise his true identity. This new look lasted only a matter of days until sadly a group of very well paid lawyers representing Sesame Street called for James to stop this at once. Although James had the disguise he only stopped crime on his street and all his neighbours would watch him walk home after his heroic events. James had learnt a valuable lesson that day, but his longing to do good for people did not die it simply intensified and James knew what he had to do, he had to get a job in retail.
In part two we find out about James work in retail, his relationship with Stacey and his new ambition to teach.
................................James Cooke IS BORN !!!!!!!!!
On a small moon called Endor a ceremony 5000 years old is about to be performed, by the local teddy bear tribe known as the Ewoks. The tallest male and female within the tribe will mate and then wait 9 months.
9 months later a baby Ewok is born, instantly it is shaved and covered in a special cream (usually found in Boots) to stop to much of the hair ever growing back again . With the new child looking vaguely human it is sent across the galaxy to find a new home. This particular infant found its way to earth just over 21 years ago. At this very moment mummy Cooke was giving birth to her first baby boy. As soon as the child was born it was magically replaced by the Ewok infant, and the James Cooke that could have been was taken back to Endor to be raised as a God.
The Ewok child would never know of his true heritage and his new adopted family would never know he was not there son. He was to be raised as one of them and he would take on the title of James Cooke. The beginning of his story is most amazing but it is insignificant compared to the rest of his life and the adventures he would encounter.
James was implanted with a thirst for learning self defence and skills that would be useful if his new world in case the planet was hostel but luckily being part Ewok and looking cute was the best defence he would ever need. As James grew he considered mastering many styles of combat but it wasn't until he first laid eyes on the profesional world of wrestling that he knew what he wanted to train in. It's not sure what attracted James to this combat style it might have been the skin tight Lycra costumes or the heavily gay undertones but either way he was hooked.
Night and day the young Ewok boy practised, usually fighting as many as 7 pillows at a time but his skills kept growing until it was time to find a costume and a name that best suited him. Having always felt different and a little more wild in nature then those around him there was only one wrestling name he could have chosen 'The Cookie Monster' he would dress all in blue and put blue fur over hi face to disguise his true identity. This new look lasted only a matter of days until sadly a group of very well paid lawyers representing Sesame Street called for James to stop this at once. Although James had the disguise he only stopped crime on his street and all his neighbours would watch him walk home after his heroic events. James had learnt a valuable lesson that day, but his longing to do good for people did not die it simply intensified and James knew what he had to do, he had to get a job in retail.
In part two we find out about James work in retail, his relationship with Stacey and his new ambition to teach.
Saturday 19 June 2010
No its not time to get a 3D T.V.
One ad, one T.V. ad shown in 3D telling you to get a 3D T.V. So that you can enjoy said ad in 3D. If there are any idiots out there buying there 3D telly as they read this, stop and think. Your about to buy a 3D telly on the understanding that you cab see one ad properly. I mean if you have been watching 3D movies in the cinema recently you have probably come to the same conclusion I have. 90% of these 3D films are shit. I've said it before and I'll say it again the only decent £d film I've seen has been Avatar and I'm not getting a 3D T.V. for one film. So please do the right thing and wait. Wait for about 4 years.
While I'm being pissed off with advertising I should really have a go at a few others. Like the McDonald's ad's going around the ones with the shitty poetry. Poetry should be an expression of self it should not be used for selling Big Macs. Every time that man who wrote that gets his pay a part of his soul must die, all his other work should feel cheap and rushed. Fuck it any poetry used for selling anything should be banned.
An ad I don't hate but just don't understand is for a lady's shaver the Gillette Venus one. I'm not sure that shaving your legs should make you life more worth while. I mean are all girls stuck at home not going out because they haven't shaved there legs? If this is you, if you cant live your life if you have slight stubble on your legs I would be very very worried. Also some of those ads seams to be, well sexy. I mean they are girls running about in bathing suits and playing around. I understand that sex sales but who is the sex in these ads aimed at? Is it the guy in the girls life and they hope he buys it for them. Is it the woman this product is based at ? The same woman who probably doesn't look a thing like the girl in the ad, and if that's the case any shaver will do. Or maybe its based at lesbian woman? The kind of woman who will be thinking of the hot woman in the ad, of course ironically in my experience the lesbian type are the least likely to use the product anyway, i mean who needs to show of your legs if all you do is wear jeans?
Another issues I have is ads making light of all these woman issues. I mean these woman that seem to be having serious stomach issues. Every other ad shows woman that have either diarrhea or having trouble pooing. Is this an actual issue that you don't want to share with men. I mean are these ads aimed at woman on the go for a reason, have you tried eating more fiber? I know its disgusting bringing this up but these ads do leave me confused.
In general I hate all ads and I cant risk talking about those go compare ads as i would run out of swear words and the only way to do justice to the way I feel about it would be to slowly rip out my own stomach and to then strangle myself with my entrails. But there are at least two ads I like and I will happily post links to them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANzDO9ZqppY
This ad is just comical gold
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAk77Kr_OwQ
And ths ad does is also brilliant
While I'm being pissed off with advertising I should really have a go at a few others. Like the McDonald's ad's going around the ones with the shitty poetry. Poetry should be an expression of self it should not be used for selling Big Macs. Every time that man who wrote that gets his pay a part of his soul must die, all his other work should feel cheap and rushed. Fuck it any poetry used for selling anything should be banned.
An ad I don't hate but just don't understand is for a lady's shaver the Gillette Venus one. I'm not sure that shaving your legs should make you life more worth while. I mean are all girls stuck at home not going out because they haven't shaved there legs? If this is you, if you cant live your life if you have slight stubble on your legs I would be very very worried. Also some of those ads seams to be, well sexy. I mean they are girls running about in bathing suits and playing around. I understand that sex sales but who is the sex in these ads aimed at? Is it the guy in the girls life and they hope he buys it for them. Is it the woman this product is based at ? The same woman who probably doesn't look a thing like the girl in the ad, and if that's the case any shaver will do. Or maybe its based at lesbian woman? The kind of woman who will be thinking of the hot woman in the ad, of course ironically in my experience the lesbian type are the least likely to use the product anyway, i mean who needs to show of your legs if all you do is wear jeans?
Another issues I have is ads making light of all these woman issues. I mean these woman that seem to be having serious stomach issues. Every other ad shows woman that have either diarrhea or having trouble pooing. Is this an actual issue that you don't want to share with men. I mean are these ads aimed at woman on the go for a reason, have you tried eating more fiber? I know its disgusting bringing this up but these ads do leave me confused.
In general I hate all ads and I cant risk talking about those go compare ads as i would run out of swear words and the only way to do justice to the way I feel about it would be to slowly rip out my own stomach and to then strangle myself with my entrails. But there are at least two ads I like and I will happily post links to them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANzDO9ZqppY
This ad is just comical gold
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAk77Kr_OwQ
And ths ad does is also brilliant
Saturday 12 June 2010
Woringly There are six Kims on the bench
Sorry folks its world cup time again, it happens once every four years but we spend all our lives talking about it. Just to disappoint most of you, I don't want England to win. I really don't want England to win. Let me explain why. About 500 years ago England won the world cup. Yay. That should mean a month of partying and a maximum of four years of gloating. But it didn't stop there, in fact it just seemed to get worse. People that weren't even alive at the time of this event started to consider it the most important moment of their lives. We just couldn't move past it. We tried to, we started winning other events in Rugby and Cricket but it wasn't enough. Every seven seconds someone in England would have to declare that we had won the world cup and we should all be happy about this fact. Please don't get me wrong I want England to do well, I want England to get past the first stage and really be praised for how well they played. But please don't let them win.
I can picture the scene now after England managing to get in to the final. The whole country coming to a complete stop, all the emergency services pretending to be busy. The whistle blows and England have won with out the need for penalties and England goes crazy. The madness should last a night, but due to the fact that most people from England have nothing to celebrate in our pointless little lives in keeps going. One day of alcohol fueled partying soon drifts in to a month. Considering the fact that everyone is involved including like I said all the emergency services the violence and accidental deaths keep mounting up. The dead start to litter the streets and the living don't care, illness and and partying fatigue start to destroy the remaining people and news starts to spread that Scotland has invaded. Within two months England is no more and has now become the United Scottish Land and haggis becomes our national dish. Of course we wont care as we won the world cup.
While I'm bitching about England I feel I should mention our incredibly boring flag.
Just look at it, it looks like it was designed by an idiot that had the smallest amount of red paint. The only way this could be more dull is if it was just one line. If you need inspiration about what a flag should look like check out the Welsh flag, it has a fucking dragon on it. Or the Mozambique flag which if you don't know has an AK-47 on it. I mean just as an idea we could have a real serious competition to decide upon a new flag, I think Maybe we could have the queen kitted out in full armour on top of a horse charging towards the Balrog from the Lord of the Rings film. Just an idea but I think it would make the rest of the world see us in a new light.
Tuesday 8 June 2010
Twins - One is always Evil
I've had a good week. I know its rare for me to start of a blog this way but it has been fun. I've been a super cool spy during most of my days, playing a game called Splinter Cell: Conviction. I came a way very impressed with my self after completing it on it hardest setting, can you say that? well can you? I didn't think so. I've been out clothes shopping with gayest straight guy I know. I swear he went out looking for some shoes that would work with one of his belts, just one of his belts. I would have teased him about it at the time but he talked me in to buying some trainers that went well with shirt I own, so I don't know what that says about me.
So clothing brought time to catch up with another friend of mine, a female. She writes a blog on here as well if you fancy a read it can be found at http://fuckingfruitcake.blogspot.com/ . She is an interesting woman with crazy ideas about how meat is murder and being a vegan is the way forward. Also she is a feminist and I just think that's adorable. Joking aside though it was a beautiful sunny day we spent sitting in Tunbridge Wells chatting. We eventually got lunch from the fancy and over priced Cornish pasty place. Where we bumped in to an old friend we both worked with, all in all another great day.
Not a lot happened for a few days then i got what has become the best phone call of the year so far. My friend Neil inviting me to my first BBQ of the year. I knew it was going to be a good night from the beginning as instantly I was greeted with a margarita from Neils lodger/girlfriend Vicky. It was only a small gathering but that didn't take anything away from the evening as far as I was concerned. Just the four of us Neil, Vicky, Gillian ( Vicky's identical twin sister ) and myself. Now it didn't ruin the BBQ but it didn't help that Neil is a professional chef. I am not use to professional chefs cooking BBQ for me. I'm use to cooking the food till it is burnt, I am not use to being asked how I want my burger cooked. Still food was amazing and the booze kept flowing. We played silly drinking games that left me making a fool out of myself, but on the plus side I didn't have to stand on a chair every five minuets to sing Britney Spears songs unlike Neil.
The night wasn't all magical as bed time rolled around and there wasn't enough beds to go round. Being a gentleman I didn't stop Gill from taking the only bed and I settled in for a night on the couch, the leather couch. It was a pretty hot and clammy night and my body type mixed with the leather was not a good mix. I managed a good two hours of sleep but I wasn't to bitter, well not until every one else woke up and happily told me how wonderfully they had slept, but I wouldn't have changed anything. Cheers guys xoxoxoxo .
So clothing brought time to catch up with another friend of mine, a female. She writes a blog on here as well if you fancy a read it can be found at http://fuckingfruitcake.blogspot.com/ . She is an interesting woman with crazy ideas about how meat is murder and being a vegan is the way forward. Also she is a feminist and I just think that's adorable. Joking aside though it was a beautiful sunny day we spent sitting in Tunbridge Wells chatting. We eventually got lunch from the fancy and over priced Cornish pasty place. Where we bumped in to an old friend we both worked with, all in all another great day.
Not a lot happened for a few days then i got what has become the best phone call of the year so far. My friend Neil inviting me to my first BBQ of the year. I knew it was going to be a good night from the beginning as instantly I was greeted with a margarita from Neils lodger/girlfriend Vicky. It was only a small gathering but that didn't take anything away from the evening as far as I was concerned. Just the four of us Neil, Vicky, Gillian ( Vicky's identical twin sister ) and myself. Now it didn't ruin the BBQ but it didn't help that Neil is a professional chef. I am not use to professional chefs cooking BBQ for me. I'm use to cooking the food till it is burnt, I am not use to being asked how I want my burger cooked. Still food was amazing and the booze kept flowing. We played silly drinking games that left me making a fool out of myself, but on the plus side I didn't have to stand on a chair every five minuets to sing Britney Spears songs unlike Neil.
The night wasn't all magical as bed time rolled around and there wasn't enough beds to go round. Being a gentleman I didn't stop Gill from taking the only bed and I settled in for a night on the couch, the leather couch. It was a pretty hot and clammy night and my body type mixed with the leather was not a good mix. I managed a good two hours of sleep but I wasn't to bitter, well not until every one else woke up and happily told me how wonderfully they had slept, but I wouldn't have changed anything. Cheers guys xoxoxoxo .
Saturday 5 June 2010
On the 8th day God created a parody of his work and it went straight to DVD
Stupid Stagevu. Its been about a month now and still not fixed. For those of you not in the know Stagevu is a film viewing website and for the most part is the site I use to watch movies and T.V. shows. For some unknown reason they have not been able to have any new uploads for about a month which is why I've been forced to use some less respectable film viewing web sites. The kind of site that suggest you try adult friend finder every ten seconds. But that's not really my issue, that's just an inconvenience. My issue today is parody's.
You can probably think of a good few like Austin Powers or family guys take on star wars. But for every acceptable parody there are a thousand films so bad they don't justify there existence, or even the existence of the person that pitched it. Take the Scary Movie franchise, I should start by letting you know I don't hate them, well except the second one anyway. For the most part they are funny, there I said it. As an example when they made the fourth film there tag line was ' The fourth film in the trilogy' its stupid but it made me giggle. Scary movie is what happened just before parody got out of control.
Now we have utter shit like Date movie, Epic movie, Meet the Spartans and now the worst film ever made which I will never see The 41 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It. I did not make up that last one, honestly it exists. How lacking in any originality do you have to be to base your entire movie around the works of other film makers. In all honesty it makes me a little angry as even making a cheap film is expensive. There is a good chance that any film you have ever seen cost more to make then you will ever make in your life, even if it went straight to DVD or it was made for T.V. Imagine what good couldn't have been done to the world instead of making them. Third world debt could have been paid off by now instead of making those shit films, or at least we could have found a cure for aids.
The sad truth is one mans Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the black pearl is another mans All the rest of that film franchise. Those pointless films will continue to make money until we can properly educate the young as lets face it only the really fucking stupid want to watch a film called The 41 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It.
You can probably think of a good few like Austin Powers or family guys take on star wars. But for every acceptable parody there are a thousand films so bad they don't justify there existence, or even the existence of the person that pitched it. Take the Scary Movie franchise, I should start by letting you know I don't hate them, well except the second one anyway. For the most part they are funny, there I said it. As an example when they made the fourth film there tag line was ' The fourth film in the trilogy' its stupid but it made me giggle. Scary movie is what happened just before parody got out of control.
Now we have utter shit like Date movie, Epic movie, Meet the Spartans and now the worst film ever made which I will never see The 41 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It. I did not make up that last one, honestly it exists. How lacking in any originality do you have to be to base your entire movie around the works of other film makers. In all honesty it makes me a little angry as even making a cheap film is expensive. There is a good chance that any film you have ever seen cost more to make then you will ever make in your life, even if it went straight to DVD or it was made for T.V. Imagine what good couldn't have been done to the world instead of making them. Third world debt could have been paid off by now instead of making those shit films, or at least we could have found a cure for aids.
The sad truth is one mans Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the black pearl is another mans All the rest of that film franchise. Those pointless films will continue to make money until we can properly educate the young as lets face it only the really fucking stupid want to watch a film called The 41 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It.
Wednesday 2 June 2010
Time to get back on the horse, the horse being Sarah Jessica Parker
So I've been a bit down recently, I've had my reasons all a bit irrelevant now but I am back, whats made me happy? For starters the sun is shining again plus I've been out clothes shopping so I'm looking good. So what shall I talk about? I could bring up the shootings that happened today but it's to soon. I could let you all know that I recently found out that cardigans are made from the fur of a rare bat found only in northern Europe. But I think I'm going to talk about cowboys.
Cowboys are the new black, they are the new pirate and the new vampire all rolled in to one. Its difficult to make cowboys shit. It was difficult to make vampires shit as well but American film makers found a way and don't get me started on pirates. So why the big love going out to cowboys? 3 words. RED DEAD REDEMPTION. To be honest almost all cowboy films I've seen in the last 20 years have been pretty good. So imagine being able to play out your favourite moment from those films in a game, this is what red dead redemption does, it lets you be the cowboy. If you don't own a mans game console like a ps3 or an xbox 360 i could safely say its worth getting one just to experience this game. While you have that console maybe play GTA 4 as well.
I dread to think what would happen if game developers tried to make a game about the twilight series. I imagine it would feature misunderstood teenagers that can't get over there first ever broken heart, who probably just act stupid and miserable all the time. Every sunny day your weird vampire mate would look like he was used as a towel to clean up a wanking competition. I get that I'm being unfair on twilight, I know it was meant to be viewed by girls, but it does wind me up a little that they don't seem to realize how stupid it is.
Any way I feel I shouldn't finish with out saying a little bit about sex in the city 2, i haven't seen it I don't think i ever will, people know my views on the first one. The real reason i wont be watching SITC 2 is because of the terrible trailer, all trailers should try and show some of the best parts of a movie and use that as it selling point. All I saw in the SITC trailer was woman walking around in clothes, nice clothes I suppose and a woman falling of a camel not exactly comedy gold.
Cowboys are the new black, they are the new pirate and the new vampire all rolled in to one. Its difficult to make cowboys shit. It was difficult to make vampires shit as well but American film makers found a way and don't get me started on pirates. So why the big love going out to cowboys? 3 words. RED DEAD REDEMPTION. To be honest almost all cowboy films I've seen in the last 20 years have been pretty good. So imagine being able to play out your favourite moment from those films in a game, this is what red dead redemption does, it lets you be the cowboy. If you don't own a mans game console like a ps3 or an xbox 360 i could safely say its worth getting one just to experience this game. While you have that console maybe play GTA 4 as well.
I dread to think what would happen if game developers tried to make a game about the twilight series. I imagine it would feature misunderstood teenagers that can't get over there first ever broken heart, who probably just act stupid and miserable all the time. Every sunny day your weird vampire mate would look like he was used as a towel to clean up a wanking competition. I get that I'm being unfair on twilight, I know it was meant to be viewed by girls, but it does wind me up a little that they don't seem to realize how stupid it is.
Any way I feel I shouldn't finish with out saying a little bit about sex in the city 2, i haven't seen it I don't think i ever will, people know my views on the first one. The real reason i wont be watching SITC 2 is because of the terrible trailer, all trailers should try and show some of the best parts of a movie and use that as it selling point. All I saw in the SITC trailer was woman walking around in clothes, nice clothes I suppose and a woman falling of a camel not exactly comedy gold.
Friday 28 May 2010
Things could be better, you could be dead :)
You know your not in a good place when your cat jumps off your bed and you find yourself shouting 'fine, go then , who needs you?' the cat being a cat had no idea I was talking to her and ran of to find some food or do something else only cats care about like drilling behind couches. But things aren't great I find myself now being unemployed for 6 months and experience shows that life can easily get very depressing at this stage. Money is always an issue but more so when people want you to visit and there are party's to attend. Which seems to mostly happen around the summer. Of course the irony being if I was working I probably wouldn't be able to attend such gatherings as I would be busy. So whats the answer? Get a job is a good answer and its a practical answer but this isn't like when I was 17 and didn't care I have genuinely been trying. As a man with out any real responsibilities in life I can almost happily work for minimum wage with out any real issue, well no real issue if I'm working full time. But I have found nothing so recently I decided just find work, any work with some exceptions but call me old fashion cleaning jobs are for woman and illegal immigrants. Little joke there for you. So with no job offers I decided that fuck it even part time work will do. Still no fucking luck.
Boredom can easily be fixed, well temporarily any way. You can fix it for 90 minuets with a film or 3 hours or so having a gaming session. But this is always only temporarily. Soon you have to deal with your mundane life again. I still hate day time T.V. almost as much as I hate prime time T.V. the only joy I get is watching a few American shows online and sadly most of the good ones are either not going to be shown any more or they are coming to the end of there season. I guess my point is T.V. sucks.
Life isn't all grim though I recently had the joy of my niece and sister visiting for a couple of days. Toddlers are great, as long as your not the parent that is. They can bring hours of entertainment to your life simply by making odd noises and trying to have baby conversations with you. By baby conversation I mean a string of random noises pieced together with whole words. Plus looking after kids is tiring, in the future gyms will still have all of the equipment in them but you will be lent a child upon entry and it will be your job to play with said child while keeping it safe from all the weights and running machines and so on. I promise you you'll be more tired then if you spent the day simply on the running machine, plus it will be a lot more entertaining.
Boredom can easily be fixed, well temporarily any way. You can fix it for 90 minuets with a film or 3 hours or so having a gaming session. But this is always only temporarily. Soon you have to deal with your mundane life again. I still hate day time T.V. almost as much as I hate prime time T.V. the only joy I get is watching a few American shows online and sadly most of the good ones are either not going to be shown any more or they are coming to the end of there season. I guess my point is T.V. sucks.
Life isn't all grim though I recently had the joy of my niece and sister visiting for a couple of days. Toddlers are great, as long as your not the parent that is. They can bring hours of entertainment to your life simply by making odd noises and trying to have baby conversations with you. By baby conversation I mean a string of random noises pieced together with whole words. Plus looking after kids is tiring, in the future gyms will still have all of the equipment in them but you will be lent a child upon entry and it will be your job to play with said child while keeping it safe from all the weights and running machines and so on. I promise you you'll be more tired then if you spent the day simply on the running machine, plus it will be a lot more entertaining.
Monday 24 May 2010
The Hulk doesn't blog he just breaks stuff
But alas I am not the Hulk, that fight with the military proved that. No super powers for me, when things piss me off I can only write them down for others to read and take fake interest in and that makes me the crappiest super hero of them all, even worse then booster gold (that's in there for hardcore comic lovers and I know nobody reading this has the faintest idea who that is).
So whats been pissing me off, for starters the England flag. Its so dull I mean really it looks like it was designed by a four year old that had a small red pen and a bit of paper. Where is the imagination? Our saint thought a dragon I mean personally I think it would be better if the dragon was are saint. Imagine how cool the flag would be then. Another issue I have is how tacky it looks hanging out of house windows, yes fine lets pubs display it as much as they want. But we pride ourselves above all things on not being American so let them keep there pointless views on patriotism and we can go out for a curry. For the record this is not me telling you that you cant have a flag, NOBODY IS TELLING YOU THIS, this is me giving you my opinion on them. Nobody has said you cant do this, a couple of right wing papers reported that some pub chains wont be as it attracts mindless thugs in to their establishments. But in fairness I think the thugs where there anyway and they just wanted to beat some people up.
I made a joke the other day to a friend it goes something like this. Woman can say that we don't understand the pain they go through while having a baby this of course is untrue for any man that has been forced to watch Sex in the City movie. Jesus that was some pain full 2 hours, the next Saw films will be based around forcing men to sit through that film twice or choosing to rip out there eyes and shove needles in to there ears. It wasn't just that it was a bad film, that would be to simple. O no it also had to be pointless, little more then an extended version of the TV series. So why didn't they just make a T.V. movie? Some of you are saying that's the point, they just gave the audience more of what they wanted. Well FUCK YOU, If you have that big a budget have the girls fighting of an alien invasion using the powers of prada. They can get there tits out every now and again just for kicks and instantly with have a much better film. This anger comes from the up coming release of Sex and the City 2. This time they are on holiday, sadly not in some really hostile Muslim country which ends with each of the girls being stoned to death.
The next biggest gripe on my list is my computer mouse, yeah you die, you die and you go to hell. It seemed so cool at the time as it uses lasers. But now its nothing but an issue the only surface I can use it on that doesn't make it act like someone with turrets is skin, I constantly find myself using my hand or leg, stupid mouse. But at least I have resolved this issue by ordering a new one. One out of three issues resolved, I class that as a result.
So whats been pissing me off, for starters the England flag. Its so dull I mean really it looks like it was designed by a four year old that had a small red pen and a bit of paper. Where is the imagination? Our saint thought a dragon I mean personally I think it would be better if the dragon was are saint. Imagine how cool the flag would be then. Another issue I have is how tacky it looks hanging out of house windows, yes fine lets pubs display it as much as they want. But we pride ourselves above all things on not being American so let them keep there pointless views on patriotism and we can go out for a curry. For the record this is not me telling you that you cant have a flag, NOBODY IS TELLING YOU THIS, this is me giving you my opinion on them. Nobody has said you cant do this, a couple of right wing papers reported that some pub chains wont be as it attracts mindless thugs in to their establishments. But in fairness I think the thugs where there anyway and they just wanted to beat some people up.
I made a joke the other day to a friend it goes something like this. Woman can say that we don't understand the pain they go through while having a baby this of course is untrue for any man that has been forced to watch Sex in the City movie. Jesus that was some pain full 2 hours, the next Saw films will be based around forcing men to sit through that film twice or choosing to rip out there eyes and shove needles in to there ears. It wasn't just that it was a bad film, that would be to simple. O no it also had to be pointless, little more then an extended version of the TV series. So why didn't they just make a T.V. movie? Some of you are saying that's the point, they just gave the audience more of what they wanted. Well FUCK YOU, If you have that big a budget have the girls fighting of an alien invasion using the powers of prada. They can get there tits out every now and again just for kicks and instantly with have a much better film. This anger comes from the up coming release of Sex and the City 2. This time they are on holiday, sadly not in some really hostile Muslim country which ends with each of the girls being stoned to death.
The next biggest gripe on my list is my computer mouse, yeah you die, you die and you go to hell. It seemed so cool at the time as it uses lasers. But now its nothing but an issue the only surface I can use it on that doesn't make it act like someone with turrets is skin, I constantly find myself using my hand or leg, stupid mouse. But at least I have resolved this issue by ordering a new one. One out of three issues resolved, I class that as a result.
Saturday 22 May 2010
JESUS SAVES you 13% APR
Summer is here, finally. I know this for a fact as 2 nights ago I couldn't get to sleep because of the fucking humidity. I'm one of those people that likes to be covered up when I sleep so its a bit inconvenient during these hot nights. But fuck it summer is here, o yeah the season of barbeque's, holidays, lots of alchol and woman wearing very little. You got to love summer unless your pale skinned, broke, ugly or working loads. Summer has its ups and its downs that's for sure.
We also have the world cup, this is both blessing and curse for all those who will be watching. Instant curse if your from one of those backwards countries that didn't qualify as you get to listen to the rest of us going on and on about it. Instant curse if your a woman or gay and simply looking at all the pretty men isn't enough for you. Instant curse if you like me find the world cup the only time to get passionate about football then you get your heart broken when England lose on penalties. Who knows maybe this year will be our year its not very likely but we will see. I kind of hope it wont be as to be fair England have so little to celebrate that we keep going on and on about any small victory we have ever had. Don't get me wrong we aren't half as bad as Scotland but we are pretty bad. Yes we won world war 2 with no help from any other country but that was 500 years ago and we still feel OK about hanging on to all racist attitudes attached to that war. I would love an achievement that England could have in which we made a real difference to everyone on the planet, something that could be talked about for 1000 years not just that we invented the pot noodle.
Summer time is also the time for the summer blockbuster. A time of year when we wrap turds up with tin foil and declare it to be platinum. I will probably watch a few real stinkers this year but because it will be loud and flashy I'll come away thinking I've seen a master piece. You are probably worse then me when it comes to this with a few exceptions. I know this as a lot of you come away from watching a real bit of crap and state how it was the best film you have ever seen. I don't like to give ratings in reviews, I think its more important to try and get appoint how you felt about something in other ways but the rating system works and its easy for most people to understand. So here is my review of Iron Man 2, I give it 3.5 out of 5 for the record if I had to review Iron man 1 I would give it the exact same score, here's why. Its not the same movie, but there is a part of me that feel its is, maybe because it kicks of just after Iron Man 1 but more so because I felt there was no real growth in any of the characters. Take the Lord of The Rings films, most critics and movie goers will class these films as modern classics and rightly so. They are huge big budget movies with impressive acting and great set pieces. They where wonderfully made with real love and attention. Plus there was real character growth, you could see the main players change from film to film. Interesting side note more then in the books. Anyway back to Iron Man 2 I enjoyed it , don't get me wrong it was fun and enjoyable, it looked great and had some real laugh out loud moments, sadly the biggest laugh out loud moment for me was waiting till the end of the credits to catch a look at Thor, the waiting was fucking pointless I learnt nothing. Anyway Iron Man 2 good I'll probably end up owning it and I'll say now if you have a couple of hours free go check it out you will probably have, it is not the best film ever made though.
I went on a bit longer then I planned with that section sorry. Anyway I love film or should that be I love lovefilm? Its an online film and game rental services for those of you not in the know and it rocks. For £14.99 a month I can have 2 disks at any time for as long as I want them. This really comes in handy when it comes to games and has saved me at least 3 times as much as the cost of membership with just the games rentals. In fairness I can complete a game in a weekend, so if i brought them that's over £30 a pop just for that if I rented from Blockbuster that's about £6 a week which is not bad. But I recently rented Final Fantasy 13 and had that game for close to a month, money saved :) .
I don't just get games I also get films, lots of films. I'm currently unemployed so killing time is important to me and films help a lot. Especially when it comes to catching up on all those films I don't want to own but do want to see. This brings me to a documentary called Religulous here is the description from the love film site
This documentary follows political humorist and author Bill Maher as he travels around the globe interviewing people about God and religion. Known for his analytical skills, wit and commitment to never pulling a punch, Maher brings his characteristic honesty to an unusual spiritual journey.
This film didn't tell me anything new about my views on religion it shocked me a little but for the most part I already knew that religion on the whole is fucking nuts. What shocked me the most was the views from prominent Catholic Priests they weren't as backwards thinking as I thought. Bill Maher talked to some real fruit loops, I'm talking about people so fucking stupid they built a theme park showing dinosaurs and man playing together. When Bill went to the Vatican to meet there head of astronomy he said that the very notion of man and dinosaur being together was insane, and that the planet was millions of years old not just 5000 as some fruit loops believe. he knows this because of the use of science. Bill later spoke to another Priest who happily stated that the idea of following the bible to the letter was stupid and that there are good messages to take from the bible (like there are from pretty much all religions) but don't get suckered in to all the over crap. That's what I like about some true believers the guys that's do really exist but they aren't judgemental they do seem genuinely full of love. There isn't many of them and for every one of these true believers there are a million idiots with bombs strapped to them selves or who insist that evolution is a trick from the devil. Do check out this documentary, like I said most of it didn't shock me, I know that most religion is so crazy and backwards it has no place in our lives, but every now and again i found out something new that really out a smile on my face and made me feel there was still hope left for us all.
Doing more research I have found this film online on YouTube its all there go watch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HKHaClUCw4
We also have the world cup, this is both blessing and curse for all those who will be watching. Instant curse if your from one of those backwards countries that didn't qualify as you get to listen to the rest of us going on and on about it. Instant curse if your a woman or gay and simply looking at all the pretty men isn't enough for you. Instant curse if you like me find the world cup the only time to get passionate about football then you get your heart broken when England lose on penalties. Who knows maybe this year will be our year its not very likely but we will see. I kind of hope it wont be as to be fair England have so little to celebrate that we keep going on and on about any small victory we have ever had. Don't get me wrong we aren't half as bad as Scotland but we are pretty bad. Yes we won world war 2 with no help from any other country but that was 500 years ago and we still feel OK about hanging on to all racist attitudes attached to that war. I would love an achievement that England could have in which we made a real difference to everyone on the planet, something that could be talked about for 1000 years not just that we invented the pot noodle.
Summer time is also the time for the summer blockbuster. A time of year when we wrap turds up with tin foil and declare it to be platinum. I will probably watch a few real stinkers this year but because it will be loud and flashy I'll come away thinking I've seen a master piece. You are probably worse then me when it comes to this with a few exceptions. I know this as a lot of you come away from watching a real bit of crap and state how it was the best film you have ever seen. I don't like to give ratings in reviews, I think its more important to try and get appoint how you felt about something in other ways but the rating system works and its easy for most people to understand. So here is my review of Iron Man 2, I give it 3.5 out of 5 for the record if I had to review Iron man 1 I would give it the exact same score, here's why. Its not the same movie, but there is a part of me that feel its is, maybe because it kicks of just after Iron Man 1 but more so because I felt there was no real growth in any of the characters. Take the Lord of The Rings films, most critics and movie goers will class these films as modern classics and rightly so. They are huge big budget movies with impressive acting and great set pieces. They where wonderfully made with real love and attention. Plus there was real character growth, you could see the main players change from film to film. Interesting side note more then in the books. Anyway back to Iron Man 2 I enjoyed it , don't get me wrong it was fun and enjoyable, it looked great and had some real laugh out loud moments, sadly the biggest laugh out loud moment for me was waiting till the end of the credits to catch a look at Thor, the waiting was fucking pointless I learnt nothing. Anyway Iron Man 2 good I'll probably end up owning it and I'll say now if you have a couple of hours free go check it out you will probably have, it is not the best film ever made though.
I went on a bit longer then I planned with that section sorry. Anyway I love film or should that be I love lovefilm? Its an online film and game rental services for those of you not in the know and it rocks. For £14.99 a month I can have 2 disks at any time for as long as I want them. This really comes in handy when it comes to games and has saved me at least 3 times as much as the cost of membership with just the games rentals. In fairness I can complete a game in a weekend, so if i brought them that's over £30 a pop just for that if I rented from Blockbuster that's about £6 a week which is not bad. But I recently rented Final Fantasy 13 and had that game for close to a month, money saved :) .
I don't just get games I also get films, lots of films. I'm currently unemployed so killing time is important to me and films help a lot. Especially when it comes to catching up on all those films I don't want to own but do want to see. This brings me to a documentary called Religulous here is the description from the love film site
This documentary follows political humorist and author Bill Maher as he travels around the globe interviewing people about God and religion. Known for his analytical skills, wit and commitment to never pulling a punch, Maher brings his characteristic honesty to an unusual spiritual journey.
This film didn't tell me anything new about my views on religion it shocked me a little but for the most part I already knew that religion on the whole is fucking nuts. What shocked me the most was the views from prominent Catholic Priests they weren't as backwards thinking as I thought. Bill Maher talked to some real fruit loops, I'm talking about people so fucking stupid they built a theme park showing dinosaurs and man playing together. When Bill went to the Vatican to meet there head of astronomy he said that the very notion of man and dinosaur being together was insane, and that the planet was millions of years old not just 5000 as some fruit loops believe. he knows this because of the use of science. Bill later spoke to another Priest who happily stated that the idea of following the bible to the letter was stupid and that there are good messages to take from the bible (like there are from pretty much all religions) but don't get suckered in to all the over crap. That's what I like about some true believers the guys that's do really exist but they aren't judgemental they do seem genuinely full of love. There isn't many of them and for every one of these true believers there are a million idiots with bombs strapped to them selves or who insist that evolution is a trick from the devil. Do check out this documentary, like I said most of it didn't shock me, I know that most religion is so crazy and backwards it has no place in our lives, but every now and again i found out something new that really out a smile on my face and made me feel there was still hope left for us all.
Doing more research I have found this film online on YouTube its all there go watch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HKHaClUCw4
Saturday 15 May 2010
Kitty Cat Conundrums
Hi mum, how was Spain? Good good and by the way Arri has lost one of his legs. This is how a conversation will start when I see my mum for the first time in a week. She has been teaching idiot Spaniards how to speak English. I class then as idiots as we all know that the English language is the most practical and easy language to learn in the world, this is because it forms naturally in the brain. Think about it almost all over languages use our letters, they just mumble them up and pronounce them differently (thank you Al Murray for that joke).
So how did my beautiful cat come to lose one of his legs, the truth is we will probably never know. All I can tell you is what I know.I strongly suggest that for dramatic affect you picture me as a 7 year old girl, this way you'll have more sympathy and wont class me as a wuss for getting very emotional about this event. So our story begins on Wednesday the 12th of may I was busy in my room (watching T.V. and pissing about on the Internet pretty much as busy as an unemployed person can be really) when my dad called me in to his study. He told me that something was very wrong with our cat Arri. I checked on the cat to see blood all over him and covering the couch he was sitting on, at this time I didn't know if it was his blood or something else but it quickly became apparent it was his. His front left leg had almost been destroyed completely almost all the fur had been ripped off and the bones which where visible seems broken and mangled. It was not a pleasant site. Immediately we jumped in to action I searched for a cage to put him in while my dad contacted the vets and then phoned my nan, my nan being the only member of the Budworth clan with any common sense when it comes to money is the person we most rely on in times of upcoming financial difficulties, thank you so much nan. While we where both out of the room Arri had hobbled upstairs, he wasn't exactly difficult to find and the trail of blood leading to him reminded me of about 100 action movie cliches, but it also reminded me of gravity of the situation. I manged to find him a cage and put down a cushion for him to sit on and we where off.
First stop pick up my nan, like i said she is our rock in financial issues and anyone that's ever had an animal emergency can tell you vets are not cheap. The journey picking her up was easy enough and that cat although obviously miserable was moving around. Then off to the vet, I sat in the back of the car the whole journey keeping an eye on Arri but we had to make our way to Sevenoaks, not a long journey by any means but time drags in these kinds of situations and a minuet feels like an hour. I cant claim to know anything about blood loss traumas but if T.V. and films have taught me anything its that you don't let something that's lost a lot of blood sleep. This of course might be the completely wrong thing to do in this case but I don't know that so every time I see his eyes close and his breathing slow down i would call his name out loud or knock the cage to keep him alert, it seems to work as he manages to stay awake for the whole journey. We pull up to the vets I jump out grabbing the cat cage and storm in to the vets, the receptionist knows exactly who we are and why where there and leads us to what I can only guess is emergency waiting room.
Like I wrote earlier it helps if you imagine me to be a 7 year old girl and all this time I have been fighting back the tears as I'm very much under the impression this cat will die in my arms. All I can think of are all the wonder full characteristics this cat has and it was killing me to think this was his last day on the planet. I f ever there was cat that lived for being stroked it was Arri, it was his purpose in life to find things that could and would stroke him, rubbing himself against any and all objects, on top of that he loved sleeping, but not like any cat I have ever known. He loved sleeping in some of the weirdest positions known to man, I can safely say that even the most talented practitioner of yoga could not recreate these moves, and he did them in his sleep. The vet finds us a few minuets later and leads us in to an assessment room. She is a pro quickly getting him out of the cage and assessing the injury to the leg, but these aren't her main concerns. The real issue maybe internal, especially if these injury's have been caused by a car.
Were informed that what other problems there maybe the cat will lose his leg, this cant be helped the damage is to bad. I suspected as much so this wasn't to much of a shock. Just as the doctor was about to leave I ask 'do you think my cat will make it?' She didn't want to give a straight answer, she knew that if there was to much internal damage there wasn't anything that could be done so she just reassured me and told me that she hoped so.
We left Arri cat with them to be put on a drip and given some pain meds, they would need to observe him over night then remove the leg the following day. We went home to clean up the blood and wait to hear what fate would become my cat. It was a terrible night, I hardly slept and felt awful throughout the night. I did text a friend or two seeking comfort but it was late and to be honest I doubt anything said would have cheered me up. So I went back to waiting.
As mourning came around we received a call of good news, there where no other injury's and the leg had been removed . On top of that they where happy with his progress and we would be getting him back soon. WHOOP WHOOP :)
My dad picked him up from the vets late Friday evening while he was there he was told that Arri had won an award for bravery, apparently he was good and calm the whole time he was there, then again I suppose its easy to be calm when drugged up on morphine, but hey who is complaining. So he is back with us now, he is trying to adjust to the lack of a limb, but cats adapt quickly and he is already moving about and sleeping in odd positions. I haven't been able to say anything on facebook or right this before as we didn't want my mum finding out while she was away on holiday, for obvious reasons we didn't feel it right to risk it.
I don't expect anyone to care about this to much, I mean Jesus Christ how many of you shed a tear about that recent plane crash that killed over a 100 people. Don't worry I'm not calling your heartless its just we've all desensitised to this type of tradegy. But if any of you have recently come in to a large sum of cash and want to help with the vet bills please let me know. Did I mention my cat can say 'i love you' on demand?
So how did my beautiful cat come to lose one of his legs, the truth is we will probably never know. All I can tell you is what I know.I strongly suggest that for dramatic affect you picture me as a 7 year old girl, this way you'll have more sympathy and wont class me as a wuss for getting very emotional about this event. So our story begins on Wednesday the 12th of may I was busy in my room (watching T.V. and pissing about on the Internet pretty much as busy as an unemployed person can be really) when my dad called me in to his study. He told me that something was very wrong with our cat Arri. I checked on the cat to see blood all over him and covering the couch he was sitting on, at this time I didn't know if it was his blood or something else but it quickly became apparent it was his. His front left leg had almost been destroyed completely almost all the fur had been ripped off and the bones which where visible seems broken and mangled. It was not a pleasant site. Immediately we jumped in to action I searched for a cage to put him in while my dad contacted the vets and then phoned my nan, my nan being the only member of the Budworth clan with any common sense when it comes to money is the person we most rely on in times of upcoming financial difficulties, thank you so much nan. While we where both out of the room Arri had hobbled upstairs, he wasn't exactly difficult to find and the trail of blood leading to him reminded me of about 100 action movie cliches, but it also reminded me of gravity of the situation. I manged to find him a cage and put down a cushion for him to sit on and we where off.
First stop pick up my nan, like i said she is our rock in financial issues and anyone that's ever had an animal emergency can tell you vets are not cheap. The journey picking her up was easy enough and that cat although obviously miserable was moving around. Then off to the vet, I sat in the back of the car the whole journey keeping an eye on Arri but we had to make our way to Sevenoaks, not a long journey by any means but time drags in these kinds of situations and a minuet feels like an hour. I cant claim to know anything about blood loss traumas but if T.V. and films have taught me anything its that you don't let something that's lost a lot of blood sleep. This of course might be the completely wrong thing to do in this case but I don't know that so every time I see his eyes close and his breathing slow down i would call his name out loud or knock the cage to keep him alert, it seems to work as he manages to stay awake for the whole journey. We pull up to the vets I jump out grabbing the cat cage and storm in to the vets, the receptionist knows exactly who we are and why where there and leads us to what I can only guess is emergency waiting room.
Like I wrote earlier it helps if you imagine me to be a 7 year old girl and all this time I have been fighting back the tears as I'm very much under the impression this cat will die in my arms. All I can think of are all the wonder full characteristics this cat has and it was killing me to think this was his last day on the planet. I f ever there was cat that lived for being stroked it was Arri, it was his purpose in life to find things that could and would stroke him, rubbing himself against any and all objects, on top of that he loved sleeping, but not like any cat I have ever known. He loved sleeping in some of the weirdest positions known to man, I can safely say that even the most talented practitioner of yoga could not recreate these moves, and he did them in his sleep. The vet finds us a few minuets later and leads us in to an assessment room. She is a pro quickly getting him out of the cage and assessing the injury to the leg, but these aren't her main concerns. The real issue maybe internal, especially if these injury's have been caused by a car.
Were informed that what other problems there maybe the cat will lose his leg, this cant be helped the damage is to bad. I suspected as much so this wasn't to much of a shock. Just as the doctor was about to leave I ask 'do you think my cat will make it?' She didn't want to give a straight answer, she knew that if there was to much internal damage there wasn't anything that could be done so she just reassured me and told me that she hoped so.
We left Arri cat with them to be put on a drip and given some pain meds, they would need to observe him over night then remove the leg the following day. We went home to clean up the blood and wait to hear what fate would become my cat. It was a terrible night, I hardly slept and felt awful throughout the night. I did text a friend or two seeking comfort but it was late and to be honest I doubt anything said would have cheered me up. So I went back to waiting.
As mourning came around we received a call of good news, there where no other injury's and the leg had been removed . On top of that they where happy with his progress and we would be getting him back soon. WHOOP WHOOP :)
My dad picked him up from the vets late Friday evening while he was there he was told that Arri had won an award for bravery, apparently he was good and calm the whole time he was there, then again I suppose its easy to be calm when drugged up on morphine, but hey who is complaining. So he is back with us now, he is trying to adjust to the lack of a limb, but cats adapt quickly and he is already moving about and sleeping in odd positions. I haven't been able to say anything on facebook or right this before as we didn't want my mum finding out while she was away on holiday, for obvious reasons we didn't feel it right to risk it.
I don't expect anyone to care about this to much, I mean Jesus Christ how many of you shed a tear about that recent plane crash that killed over a 100 people. Don't worry I'm not calling your heartless its just we've all desensitised to this type of tradegy. But if any of you have recently come in to a large sum of cash and want to help with the vet bills please let me know. Did I mention my cat can say 'i love you' on demand?
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