How To Live Forever - A J H Budworth Guide

Firstly just to let you all know the secret of life is to exist, very simple I know. Don't you feel a little stupid having not figured it out before? The real problem is we cant go on forever, we have time limits but there are ways around this and here is my guide for you to achieve immortality. Just as a little disclaimer nothing last forever although these tips will increase your mortality sooner or later everything will end.

1. HAVE CHILDREN

This is the easiest way to continue on this earth, the plan is simple your genetic code stays alive so apart of you stays alive with it. Sure you will die but all we are is code and that code can in theory continue forever. Plus you have the added advantage of being loved and remembered that way.

2. BE FAMOUS

This is a great way to become immortal. There are some down sides as if you don't pursue fame with enough intensity or you don't create or achieve something of sufficient greatness you can easily become a C-List celebrity. Then your immortality will only last as long as they show the best of Big Brother. But if you do succeed and create something amazing you could very well become the next Hitchcock or Spielberg maybe even the next Budworth.

3. BE INFAMOUS

Possibly the most fun way if not a little evil way to become immortal. Sadly to be truly remembered you have to do some really bad shit. Sure you think you could go around killing a bunch of prostitutes but that wont keep you remembered for long. No you have to be really evil you have to kill 6 million Jews or wright really terrible books like The Da Vinci Code, if you really wanted be truly outrageous you could invent organised religion.

4. BE THE HIGHLANDER

Real difficult to achieve as you kind of have to be born this way and there is a long boring back story as to how you came to be, probably best to stick with the first three suggestions.

Well I hope these tips have helped and don't worry to much as life expectancy always seems to be on the rise anyway so I'm sure soon some company will come up with a cream that takes ten years off every time you use it and we can all go on forever.

Which wine goes best with Jaffa Cakes?

Sitting on the bus on the way home from work the slightly odd lady in front of me started eating a pie. A whole pie, i think it was lemon meringue it smelt like it was so I must assume. Like I said the woman was odd, she gets on most days and really does have that odd woman vibe about her but for a man with glasses, facial hair and going bald I do have that pedophile look so I guess my point is nobody's perfect. So there she was happily eating her pie and there i was judging her harshly for it. But then again what is an acceptable food to eat on the bus? I have to admit I have eaten sandwiches, burgers and some ice cream ( in a cone) on the bus before and I never believed any one on the bus was judging me. So I will assume that these are all social acceptable foods, I imagine it would have been different if I had all three at the same time in the style of a sit down meal. So is it down to the quantity of food you eat? Or maybe the style in which you eat it? I would class all the foods I have eaten as hand to mouth food, I would not class a whole pie to be in this category. I suppose if the woman had mini sized pie I wouldn't have been so judgemental I might have even accepted one if offered.

I offended a woman greatly last week although I still doubt I said it. Apparently I called her sir. Just a bit of back story, I had been out the night before with friends I had got extremely drunk and eaten some amazing Chinese food (thank you Oriental express). The food sobered me up but I was still very sleep deprived when I went in to work the next day. I got through the day mostly on coffee until a friend at work gave me a can of monster. Anyway during the day I found myself on tills and although being moody and tired I stayed polite to all the customers. All was going well until the woman appeared. I wont lie she was strange looking ( I would describe has being a female version of Beaker from the Muppet's) but there was no denying she was a woman. I served her as normal and when it came to asking if there was anything else I could do to help she replied yes, please don't refer to me as sir as I am a woman. My quick fired response was I know. I have accidentally called woman sir before and it usually wasn't an issue they would laugh I would apologize and issue resolved. This woman was different, she looked at me with pure hate, even though I did genuinely apologized and express how sorry I was. Maybe she has her own back story in which this was the fourth time today it had happened in which case she should probably do something with her hair.

Anyway I'll be writing another blog soon as things of interest will be happening over the next few days, so sorry about how short this one has been.