I wish I was a sad clown hooker, at least that way I would have a job

I've been really good up until today, I never got suckered in, I always found away to avoid it. But today i have accidentally tuned into Jeremy Kyle and I haven't switched off straight away. I think its mostly down to northerners being on, when those guys get yabbering on in their weird northern accents I just get hypnotised its almost poetry except they all say "at the end of the day"alot. Any who I'm getting off topic, the reason I don't watch day time TV is that as soon as you do its almost like giving up searching for a job. There are some acceptions to this rule though for example you are allowed to watch channel 4 comedies such as Frasier and cheers.

So I've been unemployed for about 4 months now and for the most part i have kept myself sane and occupied. The issue is that when I look back over those 4 months I start thinking about all the things I could have achieved if I really tried. I enjoy writing which is why I do these stupid blogs but anyone that knows me knows I have a passion for films and comics which is why I have about a million ideas a day for films. Yet when it comes time to settling down and getting some work done I find another way to fill the time like playing computer games, watching bad movies or watching good porn. Having a boring life is such a distraction. A friend of mine once said if you need something done give the job to someone busy.

So how do i resolve all these issues? How do i change my life around and get it on the right tracks? Seriously I'm asking as I have no clue. But there is a good chance that if you are reading this you haven't figured that out yet either.

Choose Ninja as pirates are shit

Pirates are crap, they where cool for about a year then crappy sequels where made and I lost respect for Johnny Depp. I'm sure all faith will be rebuilt when i see Alice but until then........
Anyway what was my point, umm I guess that anything great can let you down or will let you down. Some people think that the second and third pirates of the Caribbean films are good or great. You are wrong, so very very wrong I cant go into to much detail but just remember how good the first one was and compare.

So was it Johnny Depps fault? I mean think about it he did read the script. He did agree to it. But he is only human and he wanted the money. Which probably hurts the most, I've seen Mr Depp in some great performances he usually doesn't disappoint.

Johnny Depp letting me down was bound to happen, if the Matrix films have taught us anything its that some thing are inevitable, this is fine. Besides he is an actor I don't actually know, I know of him, I just don't know him personally. This makes forgiving him easier. So what happens when someone I know personally lets me down this is inevitable. Sadly if you have lived your life without anyone you love or trust letting you down it probably means your about 6 months old. At some point you will feel let down maybe even betrayed.

These people wont do this for a massive amount of money, they will do this accidentally. They probably wont be thinking straight or they will be hurt themselves and feel like venting. They will mostly do this because they are human and we make mistakes all the time. It will be up to them to do something great to try and win back your trust but mostly it will be up to you to choose when to forgive them. But keep in mind you have probably let someone down at some point also as your only human and if you haven't you will.

Fuck it

I had written a massive blog venting all my anger but it didnt save and i lost it, this is all your getting.

Those tortures make me sick in my opinion they should be tortured to death

Do you fucking idiots ever read things through? I know that most of you read the first line of something and go that sounds good I'll agree with that. Its how papers grab your attention before twisting your opinion in to theirs Eg.

English Jobs For English people. Lets stop recruiting cheap foreign labour when so many people within our own country are unemployed.

This sounds like a good idea until you actually stop to think about it for more then a Milli second. The idea of England banning foreign employment works OK for about a month then the rest of the world get tired of employing foreigners so they ban them as well. If that happens and estimated 5.5 million people come back to the UK unemployed. They need a place to live, food to eat and job seekers allowance. 5.5 million people at £120 every two weeks is £13,20000000 per month that would need to be paid out. Wow i wonder if the goverment has that much?

The reason I'm on this rant is after I stumbled across a group on face book congratulating a prisoner that throw boiling water in the face of baby P's step dad, of course there is no word of what that man was in prison for in the first place. He might be worse then the step dad maybe he goes around throwing boiling water in every ones face, maybe he raped and murdered your mum, who knows it didn't say. But my point should be clear. One of the comments made on this page states this

The prisoner that chucked boiling water in baby p's stepdads face (Y) all the pepole that say torture would be going down to his level or "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind". ok so if u were attack you wouldnt fight back because you dont want to go down to there level?? you would just stand there and be like "oh thats all right mate never mind"?? any way the only pepole who c...an go down to steven barkers level are pedos and child beaters!!

For the retard that wrote this an eye for an eye is about taking revenge NOT DEFENDING YOURSELF. If we condone these kind of actions what message are we sending out about ourselves? Also what next say a man with kids rapes a child does this make it OK for his children to be raped?

I hate this sort of thing, I hate how easy it is for complete retards to have there views agreed with by nodding idiots, there is a chance some of you are doing that now while reading this but that's OK as i forgive you, because I'm sure you have your own opinion on this matter and most of you wont set up a group on facebook screaming about it.

If you want to check out the page on face book type
The prisoner that chucked boiling water in baby p's stepdads face (Y)
in to the search engine then feel free to make up your own mind.

The Kebab is not a healthy alternative to fruit

I had a good time last night i went bowling if you've never been its a simple enough premise you throw a ball at some pins in a bid to knock down as many as possible. In fairness I'm not selling it as its more fun then i made it sound but I think if i had the job of describing most sport it wouldn't come across well. Like there is a game played by 22 people 11 on each side and they have to kick a ball about and try and get it in a goal but the catch is the man who defends the goal the "goalie" if you will is allowed to use his hands also you can use your hands if the ball gets pushed out of play but only in certain areas of the pitch, see i don't do it justice unless your a girl in which case there is a good chance I'm talking your language. Any way bowling was fun and i won an r2-d2. What made the evening enjoyable was the good crowd, all old woollies staff and it was nice to catch up as i hadn't seen some them in over a year. The only real upset was that so many people weren't able to attend either due to other plans or simply living to far away but if they aren't willing to make the effort fuck'em.

Anyway the evening ended I came second and almost everyone was left happy except for two people, James who is an expert at bowling on his Wii but sadly bowls like a deranged chimp in real life and Pete who feels that he should not have lost to people that beat him simply because they used the gutter blocker thing. But apart from that everyone was left happily fulfilled well almost fulfilled. While my chauffeur Stacey was driving me home I jokingly requested a kebab to witch her new boyfriend full heartily agreed with so it was of to the takeaway. Sadly I was a little broke at this point but my driver happily lent me some money woo hoo. So a quick drive back to mine and we are sitting in my bedroom discussing cats and loaning out movies. Every ones a winner they leave hopefully happy with my hosting skills and i watch the rest of 8 mile.

Usually when i write these things I have something to vent but recently I've been a bit stale. I'm not that angry with the world, there is no stupid point i want to try and make I'm just feeling a bit numb this might be a good thing. Maybe I'm content. Some how i doubt it. Sure I could bitch about people joining pointless groups on facebook you know the type Mr X has become a fan of people who smile, Mrs X has become a fan of being able to walk, those kind of stupid groups. But I'm sure they know they are idiots so I'm not feeling the urge to really lay into them. Any who I'll leave this for now and come back soon with something more personal to discuss with you all.

Mmmmmm soylent green

I'm not a vegetarian but i feel bad for cows, god they taste good. I mean really good if you are a vegetarian and always have been just imagine the nicest soup you've ever had times the taste by 100 and your still not close to how good steak is . If you weren't born a veggie but choose to be you know how good meat is you've just chosen the moral high ground as your appalled by the senseless death of a living animal and maybe by the way in which it was killed or stored before its death. Yet for some reason you feel OK about eating rice crispy squares you fucking hypocrite.

You sit there so smug as you judge me while i devour half a cow in front of you as you eat your stuffed tomato with a light side salad. Cows don't often have dreams or ambitions they don't go on holiday or discover lost civilizations. Can you say the same about the rice crispy in those squares? Well can you? I've seen the ads a young rice crispy making its way through a jungle to stumble across a tribe of other rice crispy just before all of them are imprisoned in a wrapper and shipped of to be eaten. That's the last anyone will see of that tribe.

That's not as bad as the Hostel Esq(as in the movie hostel) biscuit ads you know the ones. One them shows a young wheat plant leaving its parents telling them how its going to become a wholemeal biscuit. The parents try to warn it saying how know one has ever come back from that place but the young fella ignores them as it walks of for certain doom. Its obvious that this poor piece of wheat has been brainwashed, but nothing can be done.

The sad truth is vegetarians have no issues with eating these products yet they judge me for eating cow, chicken and all other delicious animals but none of those animals ever discovered a forgotten kingdom where brainwashed in to leaving there families just to be dunked in to a cup of tea. So before you judge me ask yourself am i really any better.

Mass Effect 2- Or how i learned to stop worrying and tried to pull every member of my crew

Mass Effect 2 is a game a computer game. But its also something else its an ongoing relationship with lots of woman, probably to many woman and these are the kind of chicks that could kick your ass at a moments notice. The ladies do love commander Shepard probably because he is a tough, noble and fair leader. Also with thanks to a very impressive character creator tool he looks a lot like a certain Jon Budworth. Sadly I've turned Shepard into a bit of a dog I'm making him hit on all the ladies and accidentally an alien man but I'll explain that in a moment. I'll take you through my possible conquests first there is the Ships councilor, she is sweet with short red hair and possibly bi-sexual. Then we have an alien woman who must always be wearing a space suite as she gets ill very easily(so that rules out inter-planetary sexual encounters. There is a blue Jedi like assassin, who's race live for thousands of years. Another human covered in tattoos who i broke out of prison sadly she is a bi-sexual serial killer that could rip me a part using only her mind. There was another woman that i was getting along with wonderfully, sadly we disagreed with each other about one thing and since then she has given me the silent treatment ( typical woman huh).

With the alien man i was just being nice i think he just read to much into it. Sadly though i think its safe to say that with all of them they just read to much into it but i decided not to back down, in fact i encouraged it, like a true dog. My thoughts on this are simple the game is based around attempting a suicide mission by flying into alien space and defending humanity and other species from an alien threat. Well if we are all going to die we may as well have some fun before we do. If you have seen or read fight club i can call your attention to the woman dieing of brain parasites and all she wants is to get laid one last time. That's what I'm thinking anyway, at any time any one of these people will kick the bucket. I don't know about you but if i though i was about to die I would want to get laid first I think that would make the transition easier to deal with. It would be nicer to sleep with someone you actually love and who loves you in return but for a lot of people that ain't gonna happen so just find the first person to say yes then ask if they have any friends they want to invite.

Commander Shepard is not a bad guy, he is the best guy a fucking hero. So if we can forgive anyone for being a dog it'll have to be him. Who we shouldn't forgive is our friend, you know him or her. She fucks everyone, they ruin relationships and destroy friendships. We forgive these people because they are our friends or because they have character. But there not heroes there just twats.